Angst ahead, ignore.
It seems of late that everything is telling me to stop collecting
dolls.
So many things come up, then are snatched away from me by
companies shitty international shipping policy (read: won’t ship because
fuck foreigners) or other crappy circumstances. It reaches a point where you’ve been disappointed so
many times you just stop wanting to open yourself up to it.
I
find myself thinking about the last time a doll actually genuinely made
me feel happy and it’s been… so long. I might be kinda “yay doll” but
it’s always tinged with a degree of guilt for spending the money, regret
and frustration. It’s stopped being fun. It’s stopped making me happy.
It’s just making me miserable.
And so i’m sitting here thinking
maybe the universe is just telling me to stop. Maybe it’s just time to
declutter and leave dolls behind.
problem is, I genuinely have
nothing else to fill that void. For so long toy collecting has been my
passion, an all consuming obsession that has helped me through some very
hard times. Now though, it seems to be causing more hardship than it’s
aiding and the depression that comes with it isn’t worth it.
I’m second guessing every plan I had, every purchase and thinking
they were all mistakes. It’s causing me massive anxiety and I just don’t
know what to do.
I just want to give up. On everything. And maybe I will.
I’m
going to be listing more stuff up for sale tonight that I bought today
and already regret. I buy toys when i’m depressed and then I feel bad
about it and today it’s just more acute than ever.
I wish I
hadn’t bought the last living dead doll set I did. I regret it quite
thoroughly and added insult to injury I can’t even sell the dolls for
more than a fraction of what I paid. I wasted a lot of money there and I
feel like an idiot for doing so. Especially in wake of Mezco’s giant
“fuck you” to all international customers.
I’m wondering if I
should even place this order for the Magic Mirror doll i’ve been saving
for all these months. I think about it and I feel terror clench my
chest rather than excitement, and that is a HUGE sum of money to regret.
I’m not entirely sure my emotional state can handle that level of
guilt.
But yeah, i’ll be listing more stuff for sale tonight. Clearing the crap on my desk.
I’m tired. I’m just… so tired.
If something isn't making you happy anymore, if it's stopped being fun, then maybe it is time to step back. While I'd miss your blog posts if you left the hobby, you have to make the decision that's best for you. You know yourself better than anyone else does, so you're the one who's best qualified to make the final call. Whatever you decide to do I wish you the best. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteSigned, Treesa
I have no experience speaking to people about issues, but I hope this feeling doesn't last, and don't want to see this frustration continue to be a problem. Once the cons start to feel like they're outweighing the pros, it's probably a good idea to step back and figure things out. From what I gather, you seem to be a creative person, and perhaps shifting more toward that could help and feel more fulfilling. I myself collect toys and they give me a great deal of inspiration, but I recently came to a point where the consumption felt stifling and made me feel guilty, and I decided to get rid of all the things which ceased to be special to me, so I could focus on the things that did, the things which led to me creating things on my own. I know that's not the same issue, but I don't know if collecting is the most stable way to cope. I've had a lot of instant-regret purchases from the shallow desire to not leave empty-handed, and I just felt worse after. But with your passion for characters and design, there might be another outlet, even if you have to adjust the way it works.
ReplyDeleteAgain, apologies if I'm saying the wrong thing, but take care of yourself. This could be a good step forward.
If dolls are no longer making you happy and being interesting or useful to you, then just take a break! What DOES interest you at the moment? It might still be dolls and it's just that recent bad luck has intervened.
ReplyDeleteIf there are other projects or objectives, this is a chance to go for them; and if there's nothing, then there's less for you to worry about! And whenever you want to chat or do a blog post on something, you've got us here.
I've had to stop collecting due to various problems, but it doesn't matter. I have so many lovely and interesting dolls i've collected, and I can still learn all about them and help others with them. There's been a complete drought in the best new products/decent customer service and retail for a couple of years now, but looking forward to present and future doll ideas and collecting past characters that matter to me like the wonderful Monster High collection i somehow never heard of never has to end!
Don't spend your money unless you'll really regret not OWNING certain dolls, and have enough money/family help to not ruin other things by spending. You've mentioned your husband etc spend on things, hopefully they'll understand and might feel similarly if they couldn't buy much anymore.
Be careful not to worry and dwell too much, that can just lead to a 'nothing is right' situation.
I've been keeping an eye on your blog and will keep doing so( i might be busy with problems for a while so sorry if I don't comment for a while), if you ever want someone to talk to. I don't do social media and wouldn't gossip/complain.
I'm sorry if i've said anything unhelpful. I hope you feel ok.
Look after yourself, and good luck with everything :)
Emma
Sorry to read this - as the other commenters have said, maybe just take a break? Don't make the Magic Mirror doll purchase if it is causing you so much stress. It's not worth it. Save your money and spend time with the dolls you already have. I am the same at buying dolls/toys when I am depressed and then regretting it and taking them straight to the charity shop. So I know how it feels to have the guilt especially at the end of the month when funds are low, and I'm thinking "why the fuck did I spend £15 on a crappy Enchantimals which I knew I wouldn't like??". Definitely take a break and just relax... easier said than done I know x
ReplyDeletei love your posts and you are one of the main resons i started geting interested in dolls. if you stop thats fine i just wanted to tell you that you inspire me
ReplyDeleteNever give up. Never surrender.
ReplyDeleteThat said if your doll hobby is stressing or depressing you; dial it back several notches. Take some time to decide how you feel about each doll or doll group. I have found that concentrating on one special doll or group of dolls makes me far happier than taking a shotgun approach to collecting. I have a small group of Sasha dolls and one lone Makie who are my special favorites. They make me happy.
I use playing with and making things for my favorites helps me to de-stress and I often try out new skills or practice old ones thru this "playing around". Mind you they sometimes respond to my lesser efforts with sarcasm and/or snarkiness but that's just the way some of my dolls are.
So try an experiment, take one doll that speaks to you and make it something special. Not something hard to make or terribly time consuming, just something simple but FUN. Maybe make your Damien LD dolls some school supplies or a special Halloween schoolbook/sketchbook. Or maybe a silly "normal kid" mask. You get my drift. Take a break from acquisitions and enjoy time with the dolls you have. Big Hug, PamelaVelner